Selfish is a word most people don’t want to hear when you describe them. Selfish means you only care about what you want and need, without keeping in mind how others around you feel about that. But I’m writing this as a 31-year-old, who has grown up in a society where it almost seems crazy to think about yourself. And I am over it: OVER. IT! Now I think being selfish is #goals. Especially when you feel like you’re living your life the way other people tell you to live it. Let’s dive into that and see how you can become more selfish starting today!
Parents, family, friends and society
All of the above have something to say about your life and how you should live it. It starts with your parents who raise you with their own ideas about life. There’s nothing wrong with that, only if that means you end up not knowing what your own ideas are. The same goes for family and friends, who often love to steer you in their direction. Because that means they can feel saver or have an ally. Society is a beast on its own. The amount of pressure we can feel from that can be devastating. Pretty much everyone is some kind of stressed or depressed, because society wants something from you all the time.
I’m not saying your parents, family, friends and sometimes even society don’t mean well. But I am saying that if you lost track of who you really are and what you want, you’re in trouble! That’s what I’ve been experiencing for the last few years. I felt like I was living my life the way others told me to, even though I was fighting against that really hard. Sometimes I didn’t even notice I took on the ideas of my parents as my own. Only to realize I constantly felt uncomfortable about my actions, because they didn’t feel like me. This is when I realized that being selfish can be a good thing.
Come up with your own ideas
As I mentioned before, we are often shaped by our parents’ ideas on what life should be. As kids we only have our parents to look up to. We automatically take on their ideas and habits as our own. The same goes for friends and society as you get older. As a teen you start to shed their ideas and habits and create your own. But some of us have a harder time doing that. Only to find out those ideas aren’t your own, when you’re well off into your adult life. And boy, it’s hard to realize you’re wasting time on things you don’t really care about. Do you recognize that realization?
I have to be honest and say that I do. I do realize I haven’t been fully aware of the fact that I haven’t been completely following my own path. There are many people who feel exactly the same way. It’s not weird and you shouldn’t freak out about it. You should start figuring out what ideas and habits are yours, and which aren’t. Being selfish is #goals in this situation. Because you don’t want to live your life based on other people’s vision. It’s time to examine why you do what you do, and if it really is based on your ideas for your true life.
Create your true life
Many of us live form day to day, trying to survive the huge amount of work we have to do. Then we get home and we often have family, lovers and pets to take care of. A good person automatically thinks about what their loved ones need, and how they can provide it. From making a cup of coffee for your lover in the morning, to calling your mom every day. We tend to do a lot for other people and society in general. This is why being selfish is important. Because before you know it, you’re just living for other people.
So think about it, if you could be selfish: ‘What would your true life look like?’ Would you quit your job and become a painter? Would you pick up singing lessons, travel the world, get married, stay single, sit at home, learn how to build a chair or become a non? Whatever it is, it’s time to write that down. Don’t worry, you might not be clear about what your true life looks like right now. To be honest, I thought my life would look really different than it is now. You also keep growing as a person, so your vision of your true life may change in the future. Just make sure that you have a vision for yourself, which you can actually achieve.
Start being selfish today
No, I’m not saying you should throw your hands up in the air and yell ‘Fuck you!’ to everyone in your life. I am suggesting that it’s a good idea to start being selfish today. Write down your goals, dreams and hopes. Check if they’re really your own and if they’re not, why do you even have them? Is it a habit or an idea you took on, do you mind or not? Start eliminating every idea and vision that isn’t yours. Start making a list of ideas, habits and visions that make you feel great!
Get practical with it and start working towards being able to live exactly the way you want to. For as far as we know, we only have one life to live. Make it count. Make. It. count! Start with small steps like maybe changing the study you chose. Your parents want you to be a doctor, but you want to be a landscaper? Go for it, they are not living your life, you are! Do you want to get married, but not have any children? Find a partner that wants the same. Whatever it is you want to do, be selfish about it. Stop living for your parents, friends and society today. Like, right now!
I hope this article helped you realize that (if you do, because maybe you don’t) being selfish can be necessary. I truly hope that if you’ve been feeling trapped, not yourself, cooked up or restrained, this article helped you realize why. I know being selfish and choosing to take time for myself did wonders for my health and mindset. It did wonders for creating a life I actually want to live, and I’m just getting started. All I want for you and myself, is being able to feel completely free while being yourself. And yes, sometimes you need to be selfish in order to do that.
When are you going to start being selfish?