Call me old, too young or just a rookie. The truth is, I don’t care about my age anymore. Let me explain, because it might not be what you think it is. When I say I don’t care about age anymore, I mean I don’t care about the ‘age goals.’ The goals that society has linked to certain ages, age groups and birthdays. Meaning you should be graduated by twenty-one and married by twenty-five. You should have a house and a good career by thirty. God forbid you’re a little late on that timeline. My god, you must be failing so hard…
I have to be honest and say, that I did let myself fall for that age trap. I felt like a failure when I didn’t finish school at twenty-one like everybody else did. I felt stupid for not having a relationship while being thirty now. I still don’t own a house, a car and I currently don’t have friends. Yup, that can make you feel like a giant loser. Especially when you get into conversations with other people. Questions like: ‘When do you want kids?’ come up. And ‘Don’t you have a boyfriend yet?’ or ‘You’re getting too old to buy a house now.’
Yeah, that makes you feel great, doesn’t it? (insert sarcasm). I’m not going to lie, those kinds of remarks used to not bother me in the moment. But as soon as I got home and when I was alone at night… Man, those remarks hit me right in the face! I often wondered how I can be so wonderfully different from everybody else, yet I wanted to be the same. I often felt like others were constantly ahead of me. It was as if I always stayed in one place, no matter how hard I worked. I started looking at other people and comparing myself to them more and more. Which made me feel very depressed and like I should just give up.
The last six months have been different though. I don’t care about my age anymore. It’s hard not to fall for those ‘age goals’ society has setup for us. But I feel like I’m so much better at focusing on myself and my unique situation now. I think that I’ve come to understand that you’re often told to love yourself and your uniqueness. Yet everyone does the opposite, we all try to fit in the same box. Which obviously doesn’t work and makes a lot of people very unhappy. I decided I do not want to live like that and I went back to my old childish stubbornness.
As a teenager I was always just doing whatever I wanted and what felt good to me. I didn’t care about age, I was actually rebelling against anyone who tried to make me act like my age. That stubbornness helped me out a lot! I never felt better dancing to the beat of my own drum. And now, about fifteen years later, I’m back at it again! You see, you and I are unique. We both have different skills, qualities, hopes, dreams, wishes, parents and opportunities. That’s amazing if you think about it! Why should we link our unique personalities and lives to an age or an age goal? It’s quite ridiculous, really…
Now that I don’t link my achievements, happiness and quality of life to my age anymore, I feel much better. I feel like I can do whatever I want, and age limitations are not having an effect on me as much as they used to. I decide what I do, when and why I want to do it. I no longer feel like I’m too old to buy a house. I don’t feel like I’m late to the party when it comes to relationships. Do I miss not having one? Yes, but I do not link it to my age anymore. Everyone has a different story and stories can surprise you.
It’s good that I don’t care about my age anymore. I do feel like I’m a full woman now, I’m definitely not a girl anymore. I now know exactly who I am, what I like and where I want to go. It’s fantastic! I’m realizing more and more, that I’m in control of my story. I might not be able to buy a house now, but when I do it will be amazing! I might not have a boyfriend now, but I know my future husband is going to be the coolest. You know why? Because I’m writing my own story and it may take a little detour, but it’s still going to end well.
Yes, it’s going to be hard to keep not caring about my age. Mostly because so many people around me do and I’m only human. People talk about age goals all the time, blegh! I’ll probably feel (too) old in the near future again or maybe stress out about not being at a certain position yet. And that is okay, as long as I don’t put too much value on other people’s opinion. It’s okay if I turn back to my ‘I don’t care about my age anymore’ attitude, after processing my feelings.
It’s all about creating a better version of myself, which includes enjoying where I am right now. Age ain’t nothing but a number in this case. Tell me, how have ‘age goals’ setup by society plagued your mindset?